In the previous newsletter, we started the discussion on affirmation. The principle of affirmation is this: Affirmation results from affection, respect, order and merriment. It is the apex of AROMA.

The intentional impact: To allow our children to know who they are and whose they are.

How can a family illustrate affection, respect, order and merriment within a single setting? Wayne and Janet found a solution at the dinner table. Janet purchased a china plate with the words "Your are loved" and "You are special" painted along the outer rim. On each of the six family members' birthdays, the plate is set at the head of the table where the guest of honor is seated and esteemed for the night. A favorite meal is prepared, and the other family members tell something they appreciate about the honoree. Even Mom and Dad look forward to their special day.

"To hear the family display a grateful spirit is riveting", Janet says. There are even times when there are tears of joy. At our oldest son's birthday, our youngest recounted how he was being teased about a private matter at school. Wayne and I were unaware of it until that night at the table. We found out our oldest was riding his bike to the youngest one's school every day after classes to take him home, stopping for a soda and some important talks. As parents, we were moved to hear how affirming that incident became in their lives.

When all previous ingredients of AROMA (Affection, Respect, Order, Merriment) are intact, Affirmation falls naturally into its proper place. Like the elusive butterfly, when you cease chasing, it lands on your shoulder. Affirmation need not be tirelessly pursued; it is the natural, sweet aroma that emerges when the other four parts of family fragrance are collectively blended.

Children have an innate desire to belong, an insatiable need to connect. They will search for a niche with a relentless pursuit until they find the place where they fit. If they don't find it in the family, but find it in a gang, that's fine with them. They are not created hermits. They want to know where connection will take place. Their search will not be assuaged until that question is answered. When affirmation comes naturally, if children are allowed the freedom to know and be comfortable with who they are and with the people to whom they belong, an identity crisis can be avoided.

In the next e-newsletter, we'll discuss another principle about affirmation and how we can put it to use in our family.

Adapted from Family Fragrance, authored by J. Otis & Gail Ledbetter.  All rights reserved.  HeritageBuilders.com