Here are some guidelines to use when affirming your child:
1.) Learn to use phrases that foster family connection
Encouragement that is not solicited serves the family well. It is the
unexpected, out of the blue phrases that make children tingle with the
delight of affirmation:
"You know, I really do love you."
"You are my favorite _____________ (you fill it in)."
"I'm glad that I'm your Daddy/Mama."
"What did I do to deserve such a great son/daughter?"
"You are a delight to your mom and me."
Simple phrases like these say, "you belong in this family." It helps
children draw on our wellspring of love for them. A child who hears love in
his parents' words feels tethered to family, which is a secure position from
where they can discover the rest of their world.
2.) Use the power of touch
The hand is a powerful tool. It can represent abuse or it can represent
affection. Kurt Bruner and I wrote about the power of the hand in our book
Your Heritage: "Touch is a tangible reminder of love. It feels good and it
means much when we receive it, whether a hand on the shoulder, a rub on the
back, or a warm kiss." Nothing -- absolutely nothing -- can fill the
emptiness in a child's life from physically distant parents. God gave us
the extremities called hands and arms partly to demonstrate esteem and
affirmation. So envelop children in your arms. Set them on your lap. Tousle
their hair with tenderness. Rub their shoulders and backs as if without
thinking. Hold their hands. Stroke their faces with your fingertips. Lie
beside them on the floor as they watch cartoons and laugh with them. Be
creative with your power called touch.
In the next newsletter, we'll discuss three more guidelines. You won't want
to miss it!
Adapted from Family Fragrance, authored by J. Otis & Gail Ledbetter.
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