Giving what you didn't get.

In the last article, we looked at the first three "Bill of Rights" that we've given our children. In every home, a child will either be affirmed that he does belong or does not belong. Some parents affirm belonging with a negative reinforcement, however. While that may have its place, too much may be misconstrued as unwarranted criticism from parents. There is a place for the "thou shalt nots" in every family, concise and clear, just like the Ten Commandments. But Gail and I found while spirits sagged under the law of the negative, our children flourished under the grace of positive reinforcement. We wrote the "Bill of Rights" for our children. It became a positive reinforcement, our affirmation to them. We have 10 things, today we'll cover the last seven...

Every child has a right:

4.) To Make Mistakes. There is no success without failure. There is no teaching without tests. If children have no problems, they will never know how to solve them. Give your children plenty of room for mistakes. Of course, some mistakes, like substance abuse or choosing wrong friends, should be avoided, but garden variety mistakes can be dynamic teaching grounds between parent and child. The parent's job is holding the child accountable and being there when needed.

5.) To Know Truth. Truth is what you find when your attitudes, predispositions, and beliefs are measured by an objective standard. We believe that standard is the Holy Bible. Every child deserves the right to be able to access that reservoir of wisdom.

6.) To Their Own Free Time. Happy kids are not coerced by the busy schedules of their parents. Your children need time to think, play, be creative, pursue hobbies and wishes, imagine, and pretend to be anything and anybody they want to be. This does not preclude chores, but does balance responsibility and play.

7.) To Receive Nurture And Admonition. Discipline is learned through nurture and admonition. Nurture appeals to a child's conscience through emotion and intellect. Admonition appeals to a child's conscience through physical consequences such as restriction, loss of freedoms, or proper spankings. Children learn to reason through life's circumstances. Emphasis should be on nurturing. Success in this area will result in rare physical punishment.

8.) To Grow In Responsibility. Picking up toys, cleaning their rooms, and making their beds are all areas where children can begin learning to be responsible. It is not unrealistic to expect a school age child to help around the house for thirty minutes a day. Not only does it teach responsibility, it also promotes a sense of belonging by making them feel essential in the daily scheme of things.

9.) To Grown in Knowledge. The learning of facts and figures is vital to strengthening basic skills. Find a good school. Get to know the teacher. Get involved in your children's classes. Don't take for granted that because you drop them off every morning, learning becomes automatic. Look at their homework. Ask for progress reports. Hold child and teacher accountable for a good education.

10.) To Be Hugged. You've heard the old adage, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." We say, "A hug a day, keeps family indifference at bay." When the family dog runs to you wagging his tail, licks your hand, and excitedly jumps because he is glad to see you, it's not hard to respond in a joyous manner. Of course, a child is not a family pet, but when he is hugged, squeezed, loved, and affirmed, it is hard for him to be indifferent. The natural reaction is to respond in kind.

In the next newsletter, we'll discuss guidelines to use when giving affirmation to your child.

Adapted from Family Fragrance, authored by J. Otis & Gail Ledbetter.  All rights reserved.  HeritageBuilders.com