Train Up a Child (part 2)

Many have understood the verse "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it" (Proverbs 22:6) to be a promise, a guarantee, a deal with the Almighty. The rules are simple. If Mom and Dad hold up their end of the bargain -- taking the kids to church and living a decent life at home -- God will uphold His end of the bargain -- making sure the kids ultimately turn out well. Sounds good, but it is not that simple.

While Proverbs 22:6 is indeed a verse of hope, it is not a promise. Not all biblical passages are promises to claim. Many, like this one, are principles to heed. You see, the Proverbs are divinely inspired statements describing the patterns and principles which govern the universe, including human behavior. In an effort to clarify confusion over this particular verse, a panel of respected, conservative theologians from Dallas Seminary explained it like this...

Some parents, have sought to follow this directive but without this result. Their children have strayed from the godly training the parents gave them. This illustrates the nature of a "proverb". A proverb is a literary device whereby a general truth is brought to bear on a specific situation. Many of the proverbs are not absolute guarantees for they express truths that are necessarily conditioned by prevailing circumstances.

Though the proverbs are generally and usually true, occasional exceptions may be noted. This may be because of self will or deliberate disobedience of an individual who chooses to go his own way -- the way of folly instead of the way of wisdom. For that he is held responsible. It is generally true, however, that most children who are brought up in Christian homes, under the influence of godly parents who teach and live God's standards, follow that training.

During my years as Director of Correspondence for Focus on the Family, I led a team of caring people who responded to hundreds of letters from hurting parents. Rather than reaping the anticipated rewards of the parenting process, they were suffering the pain and guilt associated with teen and adult children who had rejected their faith. Despite their best efforts to model and teach Christian values, and to foster a strong relationship, the kids went a different way. The collective voice of these parents serves as a sobering reminder that there are no guarantees. You could sense the pain, confusion, and anger as they penned a common theme.
"I claimed Proverbs 22:6 -- training him up in the way he should go. Now he is old, and he has departed from it! What did I do wrong? What can I do now?"

The same verse, which was a source of motivation and hope in the early years of parenting, has turned into a source of overwhelming guilt and confusion in the later years. After playing the odds, they feel they lost the game.

More often than not, parents with a wayward child place themselves under the heavy burden of self-condemnation. But when we blame ourselves, it is not only destructive, but it is also wrong. Every person on earth has been given a free will -- the ability to accept or reject truth. If we have done our best as parents, mistakes and all, we have fulfilled our responsibility. Now the child must fulfill his.

We have every right to feel heartache, to reel from the pain of rejection. It is natural to experience confusion, hurt, even anger. We have the right to cry. But we do not have the right to blame ourselves. Even if a parent tried to do so, he or she could not make a child reject Christian faith and values. That is a choice each individual makes for him or herself.
Many parents have learned the hard way a lesson we must all face: In the game of parenting, there are no guarantees. No parent, regardless of how hard he or she tries, is assured that his or her children will embrace the beliefs and values he or she tries to instill. Just ask God, the only perfect parent in history.

God knows the pain of rejection. His children have resisted His paternal care and guidance from the beginning of time. Genesis chapter three describes from the beginning a long line of rejection: Adam and Eve chose to go their own way rather than to obey the Father. Despite God's perfect parenting, free will was and is part of the mix, as Jesus illustrated through His Story of the Prodigal Son, told in the fifteenth chapter of the Book of Luke.

In this well known story, the father, representing God, did not try to prevent the son from making a foolish choice. He granted him the freedom to decide his own course in life, even when that meant squandering away his entire future. As a result, he experienced the pain of rejection -- and the joy of eventual reconciliation.

If God Himself accepts the possibility of rejection, so must we. None of us are perfect parents. All of us are called to do our best. The odds are in our favor if we do. But there are no guarantees.

Your first line of defense could be to starting having Family Nights. Click here for more information what this kit contains.

Adapted from Family Compass, authored by Kurt & Olivia Bruner 

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