HeritageBuilders

It has to start with you. Are you modeling the importance of church in your life? Do your kids see you
attending regularly and making it a priority? Do you talk positively about the teaching, experience and
the impact it is having on your life? Are you living out your beliefs?

1. Find cause of disinterest. What event triggered the discussion now? It may be a simple
misunderstanding or a solvable problem.

2. Understand that religious questioning is healthy - when given guidance.
Like it or not we live in a world of tolerance with its differing world views. Questioning will be a natural
result. Ask questions about what they do not like or understand and what they believe to be true and
why? Do it through an information gathering not a confrontational exchange. Then ask if the two of
you could look at the Christian perspective together on this issue to understand how it applies. In
most cases, the youth will not have a firm basis. Do your research before entering into the discussion.
It will be one of the richest learning experiences for you. The key is that you are always taking your
son or daughter back to God's Word - life's standard. Don't shy away from the research; there are a
lot of great commentaries and bible research tools. A great resource is the Tyndale's Life Application
Bible. It has a contemporary concordance with a rich commentary.

3. Make it "our" concern:

Make it your problem as well - as it should be. Agree to work with your youth to find a
solution.

A. Barna found that teens are motivated to attend church more for relational than spiritual reasons.
They also found that one's personal experience has lasting impact. Drilldown on these two aspects
and understand who their "church" friends are and what their experience has been?

* Who are their friends at church? Are they their school or neighborhood friends?

* What friends do they have that are passionate about Jesus? Where do they attend church?

* Signs of healthy kids and youth groups: This generation is engaged through compassion, experience
and community.

Therefore, you want to find a youth group that hits on these elements through:

* A group that encourages and inspires spiritual growth and discourages negative behaviors. Groups
more concerned about teaching truth than activities, especially those that seek fun through personal
humiliation.

* A group that has solid and relevant teaching motivating the kids to apply God's principles in their
lives. (Christian World View for those heading off to college)

* A group that provides "spiritual" highs through retreats and service projects.

* A group that offers spiritually motivated mission trips.

4. Options:

* Non-attendance is not an option!! See above

* Volunteer in SS or Youth group to understand their interactions with their friends and their
experience. Evaluate against the criteria stated above.

* Have your teen attend the service with parents.
Tell them that you are seeking to honor God with your family and believe the Biblical principle that: As
for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Explain that you want them to honor you and your
beliefs while still under your roof.

* You may elect to tie this to one of their freedoms (car): Explain that freedoms in your house have
responsibilities, just like in the world. Therefore, their use of the car is tied to their church attendance
as a family with no complaining or distractions or delays on Sunday.

*You also need to be teaching in the home, if they are not getting it at church. For example, family
nights work great with younger kids - dinner table discussions work great with older kids. In this case,
dad throws out a question for debate with the teen(s) such as; "The world believes that if two people
love each other - sex out side of marriage is OK. What do you think and why? Dad lets the teen try
and express their belief and challenges their thinking with counter thoughts. Then, dad explains the
biblical position and why it is important to God. Yes, it requires prior research - but it will be worth the
impact!
(The best way to implement is to identify a night a week and be consistent.)

* Find a youth group with strong "Christian" friend - as a last resort you may encourage your child to
find a solid week night youth group and then attend Sunday services as a family. They may only make
Wednesday night and special events with the group, but they will be attending a group where they
are being impacted by the teaching and enjoying being in the presence of friends.

* Find a Church as a family. Understand that there are no perfect churches. However, there are times
when a teaching style and or church program offerings at other churches better meet your families
needs. When looking for a church look for:

* Strong Biblical teaching
* Strong statement of faith
* Strong biblical youth programming (go visit)
* Strong connecting ministries: Couple Small groups, Men's and woman's ministries.