HeritageBuilders

Peer Pressure:
One of the top issues facing our children today is peer pressure. Let's define it as:

The pressure to conform- someone who is afraid to be different from the majority; they feel a great
need to be like everyone else.

In other words, they do not have the confidence to stand for what they believe to be true. So the
question is, how do you instill that kind of confidence? For outside their parents, the number one
influence on a child is their peers. The reason kids fall to peer influence is that they do not want to
deal with the pressure. They will participate in activities that are destructive or against their own
better judgment, just to fit in or escape public ridicule.

So what is a parent to do? Realize that you do have the number one position on influence, in fact Dr.
Dobson reports of a study done in Orange County California among school children. The study found
that "it was family members, not classmates or teachers who had the biggest influence on whether
children use drugs, alcohol or tobacco….this study and others have shown that family pressure, not
peer pressure, has the greatest effect on children."

So, we have a responsibility to teach our children what a "real" God honoring life looks like and
encourage them in behaviors that help them grow spiritually, physically and mentally. A couple of
thoughts come to mind.

First, help them understand they were created for a relationship with God and He has a purpose for
their lives. Rick Warren puts it this way; "You are alive because God wanted to create you. The Bible
says: The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me. Because God made you for a reason, he also decided when
you would be born and how long you would live. He planned the days of your life in advance, choosing
the exact time of your birth and death. The Bible says: You saw me before I was born, and scheduled
each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your book."

Second, encourage personal spiritual growth. If a child is to choose between right and wrong, you
must teach him right. God's word is full of the principles and precepts that God uses to "order the steps
of a righteous man." But, you must know them to apply them. Affirm them in their efforts to do personal
time with God.

Third, help them understand what to look for in a good friend! A good friend shares their faith,
perspectives, values and priorities. They want to honor God in all they do as well. A good friend would
not ask you to participate in any thing that is destructive!

Fourth, use scenarios to help them think through what they should do before they get into bad
situations. For example: if you are at school and a classmate starts to bully you - push you around and
call you names in front of the other kids, what would you do? Or, if you are riding in a car with the
head basketball player and he offered you a joint, what would you do? Then, work through with them
how you would want them respond and act.

Fifth, encourage them to seek groups where they can find friends or plug into a positive environment -
be it a sports team that has high standards (drugs and alcohol not tolerated) or Youth groups that
challenge the kids in their faith and go on mission trips. A positive environment is any environment that
supports your values and morals taught at home.

Sixth, we also need to present and discuss the destructive behaviors that they will be approached
with: bullying, teasing, drugs, alcohol, sex….They need to know what these behaviors are and why
they are destructive from God's perspective. This requires a time of formal instruction and discussion.
Your goal is to be more convincing than the peer who will be pressuring them! When you teach them,
you are giving them spiritual discernment and confidence in choosing what is right.

Finally, pray! Pray that God will reveal to you; areas you need to come along side your son or daughter,
they will have Godly friends, they will "shun" evil and they will find a Godly group to connect with.

Give your kids confidence in their faith and equip them for a life of purpose and significance. They not
only will take stand for Christ, but also stand up against peer pressure that is not God honoring.